How to escape a marauding band of goblins--

Goblins, of course, are night-dwelling fae who are smaller than us, but quite strong and cunning, especially since they often have the advantage of numbers. They never attack in daylight, so you are safe in your daily travels, but once night comes, if you find yourself in the depths of old forests, beware! Many a traveller has had as their last remembrance the sound of little footfalls approaching from all sides. Then comes a shower of projectiles, often stones, and whirling nets. As often as not, all that is left for people to decipher the story from is a scattering of tracks, for the goblins seem to value all that we have. Even, and we dare not wonder for what reasons, ourselves. Do Not Let This Happen to You!

The solution is simple. Allow the footsteps to approach quite close, waiting until they are almost at the edge of your firelight, but not so long that they start throwing things. Then, at that most crucial moment, fling a goodly amount of something flammable onto your fire. Kellick's, a good brandy, or lamp oil will do, and it's best to prepare it by pouring it into a bowl, so that you don't end up standing over your fire with spirits gurgling pitifully onto the flames and making little spurts of fire.

Done correctly, this will cause a burst of flame, and thus a bright and sudden light. Hopelessly blinded, the goblins will stumble about and run into trees and shout a lot. It is at this time that you must fall upon them with the fury of harpies, clubbing them with a large, thick stick. Trying to kill them does little good, for they are hard to slay even with a sharp blade, and you'll spend all your time trying to kill one while the rest recover. You've only got a few moments, so make use of them and bounce that stick of yours off a good number of heads. They'll make more of a fuss, rout, and soon they'll all be running off through the woodlands to leave you in peace.

Oh. And don't worry. They won't come back.

How to jump into a moat--

Moats surround most older castles, and some of the new fancy ones, too. If you've gotten into some sort of fiasco within the walls and need a quick escape from a high window or tower, that moat may just be your best friend.

It's important to remember, however, that there is usually a green around the inside of a moat, which has more to do with the integrity of the castle's foundation than anything else. It's called a green, but usually it is covered with a tangle of jagged rocks which will extend some way into the moat itself, as well. So it is of dire importance to jump out as far as possible. In no case will you conceivably clear the moat, so just go ahead and leap out as far as you can, even if you swear you're going to hit ground.  Prepare to hit the water feet first, with your arms pressed close to your sides. As soon as you hit, spread your body out, keeping your hands in front of you. The object is to stop your swift descent through the shallow water. Then swim quickly to the edge, ignore the stinging you feel everywhere, dodge arrows, and run real fast.

How to ease a snarling dog--

How many times do we find ourselves face to face with a slavering guard-dog? Too often, it seems. Dogs, happily, are highly distractible. Sometimes. The most effective technique is to act as dominant and capable as possible. Think of the name of a friend, pretend it's the name of the dog, and in a commanding voice order the dog off, as if you are its master. If the dog doesn't fall for this, try some food from your pack, meat of course, for many of the beasts are mostly concerned with their stomachs. If this, too, fails, spread your cloak wide to make yourself bigger and advance on the animal with intent to kill. If and when it attacks, kick it firmly in the snout, and then follow up your attack with more kicks. It's better to injure the dog than to attempt an escape. Most of us aren't quite as fast as our fanged and pawed cousins.

  How to detect Kellick's in your drink--        

Ah, Kellick's. That colorless, tasteless stuff which all young noble-ladies fear. The age-old standby is to drop a slice of apple in your drink. If it's been spiked with Kellick's the apple will bring out the spiritual taste of the stuff so that it's undrinkable.

And if you've got no apple handy, my friendly Moraithians? Don't despair. Just buy a bottle of the stuff, take a sip, and think on its properties.

Colorless. Well, here we have much the same effect as if we were pouring a glass of water into your Maya's Cream. If you suspect a drink, hold it up to the light and note its color. If it seems a bit translucent or weak in appearance, continue with the next tests.

Tasteless. Yes, it can be that. But we're talking about flavor, aren't we? If you've tasted it as I asked, you'll find that it isn't actually tasteless, but possesses a very mild spiritual flavour, and can be described as 'clear', 'fresh', or 'slightly sharp'. Still, you won't be able to distinguish its flavour in a drink. Instead, consider it to be like water again. A heavily Kellicked drink can taste rather dull or bland compared to its neighbor.

As a last measure, you can try this trick. Probably the best detection method, but it's not for the squeamish. Just dip your finger into your drink and hold that finger in a candle or lamp flame. Even a touch of Kellick's will render your drink so potent that your finger will burst into flame. It may feel hot, but it won't burn you. Promise.

How to put out a fire--

If something nearby has burst aflame, your best chance to put it out is with a smothering action. True, a barrel of liquid might do it if tipped in the direction of the flame, but just make sure that the barrel contains water, and not, say, brandy. The other disadvantage of this method is that water sinks and flame rises, so the chance of them meeting gets less the longer your fire has been alive. Throwing water will extinguish only a tiny blaze.

To smother, just take a blanket, shirt, or other article of wide and flexible characteristics, throw it over the blaze itself or over a section of the fire, and continue with other items of cloth until the fire is covered in entirety. Then, wearing good shoes, stomp away. If you can soak your blankets before you throw them, all the better.

How to beat up a wizard--

How unfair that we can train twenty years with the sword and then some novice magician can make that sword disappear from our hands with a few words and gestures. But those words and gestures are the weapon we have against them, for your chances of meeting a wizard who doesn't have to say special words is about as good as your chance of being killed in Jalpa by a herd of rampaging giraffes.

Some of them, though, especially the invocatives, are pretty quick. So as soon as you see them start waving their arms or hear them saying funny words, whip into action. Any sort of disruption will suffice, though be aware that they are in a sort of trance during the chant. A rock, sand thrown in the mouth, (theirs, not your own) a plate full of food, or even a sharp and surprising shout can be enough to do the trick. One friend of mine had luck with a well-placed gob of spit in the wizard's mouth.

If you're too far off for that, you can do the old fall-on-the-ground-and-writhe-in-convulsions trick, which will often pause them in their spellcasting. When they approach to see what's wrong, attack and don't let up.

Another friend tells me that you should fall down even if the spell doesn't seem to do anything to you, because often spells fail on the target side of things, and if you fall over the wizard will think his spell worked.

How to castaway--

Getting onto a ship without gold can be harder than you'd think. First, you have to manage to get on board without being seen. Often the best time to do this is in daylight, walking on as if you belong. Sailors don't expect castaways, as it's not a common practice, so if a dockhand or crewmember surprises you, just say 'sorry, wrong ship', and walk off. You can only get in trouble for doing this in Lantrielle.

If you get onto the ship, find your way below decks. The hold is your best bet. If the door is not locked, or if it is and you can find the key (it is often hidden near the door, or else in the main drawer in the captain's desk), slip inside, don't worry about locking the door behind you (a mistakenly unlocked door is less suspicious than a missing key. Think about it.), and see if you can find a good hiding place. Unless they are going to unload, cargo won't be moved until the ship is well out to sea, and then only if the ship is unbalanced. If this worries you, adjust your hiding place to the side you guess to be lightest, and remember that this is often the side which appears to have bigger crates or more cargo. This is because large crates often contain furs or other light items, while small ones contain gold or steel or wine, which is much heavier. Test their heft, if you're in doubt.

After that, you have to decide whether to show yourself to the crew or not. If you can find food in the hold and stay hidden until you port, you greatly lessen the risk of being tossed overboard.

How to escape a Great Forest Cat --

With night vision, a nose that can smell you three days ago, and teeth and claws that can make the people in Rel Morde blush, these cats make for a bad day. Oh. And did I mention that they can outweigh a horse?

If you encounter a Great Forest Cat, remember that they are stalkers. You'll have a few moments to decide on a course of action. They are excited by movement, so if you stand or lay still, often they will push you around a bit to investigate, and then leave. Luckily, because they are such efficient killers, they are not often ravenous. If the beast looks lean, your best wager is still to lie quietly. This will ensure a slow, curious approach. When the creature is right upon you, strike out swiftly with dagger, sword, or fist, attacking the nose. These cats are very sensitive about their noses, and will spend quite a bit of time scraggling about in pain. Spend this time climbing up a tree with a trunk about the size of your thigh. You'll get high enough in the branches to avoid danger, and the cat is incapable of climbing such a narrow-waisted tree. Then throw things and make lots of noise until it goes away, as they are quiet-loving creatures who hate big disruptions in the forest.

How to scare away a ghost--

Though some have classified ghosts into so many typologies that it can make you quite ill, we prefer to keep things simpler. What we're dealing with here is a disembodied spirit. That is, a spirit who seems to be missing their body. Though rare, they are often displeased, because they are quite lonely and lost upon the lands of Carador. As such, childish behaviors like throwing objects, making horrid noises, or tweaking people is not unheard of. If you encounter one of these ruffians, don't despair. You don't have to move out.

All ghosts hate being ignored. The reason that they are throwing ale mugs at your head is to get a rise out of you. Anger, fear, tears. . . these are all reactions which give the ghost reassurance that they are 'real'. Thus, if you ignore their antics, they will soon go away. This is why taverns and inns tend to have long-term hauntings (lots of people to try to get rises out of), and why people who don't believe in ghosts don't often see them (they ignore the ghosts and openly posit some other reason that bottles are flying off the shelves). During this ignoring period it may be advisable to wear a suit of full plate armor. (This is a jest)

If ignoring doesn't work, and it may not, for some ghosts seem bound to one spot, you'll have to try a wizard capable of an exorcism.

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